[Blondie]

I lived on the third floor of a really exclusive condo in Dallas, Texas. I had this incredible hand carved Italian wooden bed with the mirror above it. There was this large window right behind my bed. It was around 10 in the morning and I woke up after a late night of partying the night before. O.K., how do I say this? I woke up horney because my boyfriend had left without "doing what he shoulda" the night before. Anyway, I was using my vibrator and "taking care of business", when I heard someone right behind me say "Do you see what I see?" I looked up into the mirror over the bed to see the reflection of the window washers right behind my head. I figured stopping wouldn't ease my embarrasment any, so I finished up. This was one of the two most embarrasing moments in my life.

AND

My girlfriends gave me a gag gift party and one of the gifts was an 18 inch vibrator that was so big it looked like you should kick start it. We laughed and I put it away and never thought about it again.
Months later, I flew up to Colorado Springs to pick up my Corvette from the house and drive it back to Dallas. I thought I would get a head start on moving, so I through a couple of small boxes behind the seat in my car. I was driving down the road on the interstate, when I heard this strange sound coming from the car. Since this was a new car, I was really concerned so I pulled over beside the road. When I turned the motor off, I still heard the sound. I was looking around when a state trooper pulled up. I told him the problem and he started looking in the car, while I was looking in the front. All of a sudden, he said, "Ma'am, I - uh, I think I found your problem." I turned around and looked at him to see him standing there biting the sides of his mouth to keep from laughing and holding up this 18 inch vibrating plastic penis. I wanted to die! All I could think to do was grab it, throw it in the back, get in the car, say "thank you" and drive off. I looked in my rear view mirror to see him holding his stomach, bent over, and laughing his ass off. I bet he still tells that story to this day. .. I know I do.