Bulldogs schedule is meat and tomatoes
By
Jeff Schultz | Friday, August 25, 2006, 03:00 PM
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Jeff Schultz Assuming Mel Gibson didn’t serve in the past as a Georgia tight end or head of the Athens Christian Coalition, it has been a relatively quiet offseason for the Bulldogs. Either Mark Richt’s threats to his blue-chip convicts finally sunk in or players just couldn’t work their way into another beer-induced frenzy after falling behind to West Virginia, 28-0.
The Dogs might as well keep resting. The first eight weeks is less a schedule than a walk through a mattress warehouse. It’s probably why Richt thinks he can get by with Joe Tereshinski at quarterback until Matthew Stafford looks functional. Besides, Stafford should be ready for the Florida game. And he’s never lost to the Gators. (That’s one.)
Sept. 2: Western Kentucky
As long as the NCAA’s Dept. of Hypocrisy is going to find some way to justify 12-game schedules — while maintaining they’re all about academics — I’ve got no problem with SEC schools opening the season against Division 1-AA meat by-products. That said, I hope the Hilltoppers have a good HMO plan.
•
Prediction: Duh.
Sept. 9: South Carolina
Steve Spurrier could take the Prairie View job, and sphincters would still tighten in Athens. When Spurrier came to Georgia last year, Richt mudwrestled his playbook and nearly lost. Spurrier won seven games last season, the Gamecocks’ best year since Lou Holtz’s last rulebook burning four years earlier. On a related note, be sure to stop by Holtz’s Used Soul kiosk before the game.
•
Prediction: Narrow escape.
Sept. 16: UAB
UAB coach Watson Brown stepped down as athletics director after last season’s 5-6 splat. The school has yet to name a replacement, leading to speculation he may reclaim the job. Given his team plays Oklahoma and Georgia in the first three weeks, I’m thinking he might just want to lay low for awhile. Waiter, hemlock!
•
Prediction: Not so close.
Sept. 23: Colorado
This football program is one cheap mood candle short of a Tombstone brothel. Of course, if coach Gary Barnett hadn’t lost to Texas 70-3, the debauchery in Boulder could’ve been overlooked. The Buffs say they’re trying to disinfect things. They hired coach Dan Hawkins (Boise State), who reacted by jumping out of an airplane this spring. The parachute opened. We’re not certain if that was by design.
•
Prediction: Win.
Sept. 30: at Ole Miss
It doesn’t take much to get people excited in Oxford (not that one, the icky one). The new Old Ms. quarterback is Brent Schaeffer, who scrambled to qualify at a junior college after getting run out of Tennessee (which isn’t easy to do). While in Knoxville, Schaeffer got into a dorm brawl and was charged with assault. He pled guilty to “offensive touching.” Personally, as a guy, I think I’d rather have “assault” on my record.
•
Prediction: 5-0.
Oct. 7: Tennessee
David Cutcliffe is back as offensive coordinator, which means fewer decisions for Phil Fulmer. Now I know how standup comics felt when Nixon left office. The Vowels went 5-6 last season, including losses to Spurrier and Vanderbilt. The last time a UT coach felt this much heat, Fulmer was clogging on Johnny Majors’ casket.
•
Prediction: Win.
Oct. 14: Vanderbilt
It’s homecoming. Ever notice nobody ever schedules, like, Oklahoma, for homecoming? It’s always the football equivalent of Liechtenstein. Since 1968, Vandy has been Georgia’s homecoming opponent 15 times. That’s even more than Kentucky (11), which I assume is Vandy’s homecoming meat. Where was I?
•
Prediction: Win.
Oct. 21: Mississippi State
I realize Sylvester Croom hasn’t won a lot of games yet, but you’ve got to love a coach who said after this year’s first practice: “We had a couple of fat guys who played like fat guys. And we’re not mentally tough enough. We haven’t been the first two years we’ve been here, and we weren’t today.” Alrighty, then.
•
Prediction: Another W.
Oct. 28: Florida
So if I’ve got this right, and I can’t recall ever being wrong, the Doggies will be 8-0 going to Jacksonville. And there’s nothing like that annual seamless transition from rapture to misery every fall when the Gators come-a-slappin’. Urban Meyer’s offense will be better than a year ago — and Florida will be coming off a bye week after consecutive games against Alabama, LSU and Auburn. Ugas go bye-bye.
•
Prediction: Loss.
Nov. 4: at Kentucky
Rich Brooks is 9-25 (4-20 in the SEC) in three seasons, which makes you wonder what hallucinogen AD Mitch Barnhart was on when he announced Brooks would be back for another season. To his credit, Brooks never loses sight of things down the stretch — Kentucky lost its last two games by 51 points. Hello, Kittys.
•
Prediction: Win.
Nov. 11: at Auburn
There’s a chance this game might be rescheduled, pending ceremonies to honor the Tigers’ front seven by Bob’s House of Catfish and Sociology Degrees. If this turns out to be only a minor annoyance on the wide scale of SEC academic fraud scandals, Auburn should win the SEC. With honors.
•
Prediction: Loss.
Nov. 25: Georgia Tech
The last five meetings have gone to the Doggies, and they’ll be coming off a bye. Tech will be playing for the sixth straight week. I know. Rivalry game. But the money is on logic.
•
Prediction: 10-2.
Permalink |
Comments (16) |
Post your comment | Categories:
Jeff Schultz,
UGA / SEC