Do you hold grudges?

Blondie

Blondie

EOG Master
Re: Do you hold grudges?

BGS 9.5 said:
I was going to type those EXACT words.

The reason I no longer do is that they are too exhausting.

But I could hold em with the best of them back in the day....
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I completely agree BGS.


Although I have also come to the conclusion, if the person has wronged me enough that i think i should hold a grudge is this person really even worth me wasting my time on. That is the point I hit indifference....
 
rainbow

rainbow

EOG Master
Re: Do you hold grudges?

THE SHRINK said:
I used to, but I don't anymore...

Do you still hold grudges, yes or no? :rolleyes:
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Shrink, let me ask you a question. If you got SCREWED out of ALOT of MONEY you had coming from a PERCENTAGE, WOULD YOU HOLD A GRUDGE? ITS NOT A DAY THAT GOES BY THAT I HOLD A GRUDGE AGAINST THIS PERSON, AND CAN I TELL YOU, I WILL GET THIS MONEY NO MATTER HOW FAR I HAVE TO GO TO GET IT.
 
THE SHRINK

THE SHRINK

1
Re: Do you hold grudges?

rainbow said:
Shrink, let me ask you a question. If you got SCREWED out of ALOT of MONEY you had coming from a PERCENTAGE, WOULD YOU HOLD A GRUDGE? ITS NOT A DAY THAT GOES BY THAT I HOLD A GRUDGE AGAINST THIS PERSON, AND CAN I TELL YOU, I WILL GET THIS MONEY NO MATTER HOW FAR I HAVE TO GO TO GET IT.
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rainbow,

There was a time when I held onto a grudge after being STIFFED for 152, 500 dollars by a sports book...

It ripped at me for YEARS...

I can tell you that I don't know how I'd handle it if this happened again...

I do know that holding on to that resentment took lots of energy and didn't get me my money back....

I'd like to think I'd be able to let it go...

THE SHRINK
 
sabian06

sabian06

EOG Dedicated
Re: Do you hold grudges?

So lets say someone came in and shot your dog and stole a few items and was out of there you would not hold a grudge...........You find out that your daughter that is 16 gets raped you would not hold a grudge.............You find out your wife has been cheating on you for 15 years you would not hold a grudge? Come on guys things like this arise everyday in america and there are many more I can think of..............You cannot drop "a grudge" like a bad habit.....
 
S

sweded

2
Re: Do you hold grudges?

THE SHRINK said:
Typical female response...:rolleyes:
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That's because we're smart!

I really try not to hold grudges, but I don't take kindly to someone calling me a cyberwhore one day and trying to sweet talk me the next. To hold a grudge, I would actually have to care...but I don't forget it when someone personally attacks me or someone I love. I choose not to associate with crappy people, if you call that holding a grudge, oh well. Perfect example: I was harrassed pretty bad in high school. Something stupid about me dating one of the popular boys or something....anywho, these bitches spit on my car, dumped beer on me, tried to jump me...the whole 9. Now I see them out at bars and get: "Oh my god! How are you!!??" Then they go in for a hug. I just roll my eyes and walk away. My friend asked me once why I bother holding a grudge from 6 or 7 years ago, my answer is this: It's not a grudge, I just happen to feel that those girls are fake, mean and all in all not very good people. I do not associate with that kind of person. Oh everyone can say: "That was a long time ago.", or "They were young." or "He was just barreled in that day." for that matter. I don't care. I didn't treat people like that when I was young or having a bad day.
 
THE SHRINK

THE SHRINK

1
Re: Do you hold grudges?

sweded,

I guess I am not smart. It takes way too much energy for me to hold grudges against people. I also ask myself, have I ever acted in this manner?

Quite often, the answer is yes at one time or another...

I am a big believer in forgiveness...

If I am to ask for it, I need to be big enough to demonstrate it, too. Heck, I try and pray for those I don't care for, even though it goes against my natural and most basic instincts...

The bottom line is that holding grudges has never really worked well for me...

Honestly sweded, how's it working for you if I may ask?

Thanks,

THE SHRINK
 
S

sweded

2
Re: Do you hold grudges?

sabian06 said:
So lets say someone came in and shot your dog and stole a few items and was out of there you would not hold a grudge...........You find out that your daughter that is 16 gets raped you would not hold a grudge.............You find out your wife has been cheating on you for 15 years you would not hold a grudge? Come on guys things like this arise everyday in america and there are many more I can think of..............You cannot drop "a grudge" like a bad habit.....
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That's not a "grudge"....those situations bring on all-consuming rage. Big dif. :mad:
 
S

sweded

2
Re: Do you hold grudges?

THE SHRINK said:
sweded,

I guess I am not smart. It takes way too much energy for me to hold grudges against people. I also ask myself, have I ever acted in this manner?

Quite often, the answer is yes at one time or another...

I am a big believer in forgiveness...

If I am to ask for it, I need to be big enough to demonstrate it, too. Heck, I try and pray for those I don't care for, even though it goes against my natural and most basic instincts...

The bottom line is that holding grudges has never really worked well for me...

Honestly sweded, wow's it working for you if I may ask?

Thanks,

THE SHRINK
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I'm talking about people that cross the line. Sure, I've slung insults on the forums....but there is a line you don't cross. My dog died in March. I had him since I was 12. It was a devastating loss for me. Many people over at SBR made some comments that proved them to be sorry excuses for human beings, the top one being this prick jayden implying that my dog died because I forced him to perform oral sex on my "rotten pussy". I can honestly say that I have never said anything even CLOSE to that disgusting and cruel. There are plenty of people I do not care for around here (both internet here and real life here), but I don't kick them when they are down. I am not that kind of person. As for my real life, once someone takes advatage of my kindness or really screws me over, they are dead to me...especially if they are supposed to be a friend. I mean, I am all for second chances, but I don't forget. Once my trust has been broken, it has to be earned back. Same thing goes for respect. This has been working out just fine for me. I have a core group of close friends that I know I can count on and deserve my trust, love and respect. I've cleaned house and cut some people out of my life that were dead weight...and I don't regret a single one.
 
sabian06

sabian06

EOG Dedicated
Re: Do you hold grudges?

sweded said:
I'm talking about people that cross the line. Sure, I've slung insults on the forums....but there is a line you don't cross. My dog died in March. I had him since I was 12. It was a devastating loss for me. Many people over at SBR made some comments that proved them to be sorry excuses for human beings, the top one being this prick jayden implying that my dog died because I forced him to perform oral sex on my "rotten pussy". I can honestly say that I have never said anything even CLOSE to that disgusting and cruel. There are plenty of people I do not care for around here (both internet here and real life here), but I don't kick them when they are down. I am not that kind of person. As for my real life, once someone takes advatage of my kindness or really screws me over, they are dead to me...especially if they are supposed to be a friend. I mean, I am all for second chances, but I don't forget. Once my trust has been broken, it has to be earned back. Same thing goes for respect. This has been working out just fine for me. I have a core group of close friends that I know I can count on and deserve my trust, love and respect. I've cleaned house and cut some people out of my life that were dead weight...and I don't regret a single one.
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Well said...........
 
kinosh

kinosh

2
Re: Do you hold grudges?

Without naming any names, some people need a grudge held against them. Their head is too big otherwise.
 
P

PacMan

2
Re: Do you hold grudges?

Sounds like "Let go, Let God" thread.

Use to but not any longer.

Karma has a way to even the scoreboard.
 
S

sweded

2
Re: Do you hold grudges?

I feel the same way, PacMan...which is why I don't hate and I don't go after revenge. I've been in situations many times that I could have really fucked someone over worse than they did to me. Instead, I do what I can to remove myself from the situation and move on with my life. No need to put that kind of negative energy out there.
 
THE SHRINK

THE SHRINK

1
Re: Do you hold grudges?

sweded said:
I'm talking about people that cross the line. Sure, I've slung insults on the forums....but there is a line you don't cross. My dog died in March. I had him since I was 12. It was a devastating loss for me. Many people over at SBR made some comments that proved them to be sorry excuses for human beings, the top one being this prick jayden implying that my dog died because I forced him to perform oral sex on my "rotten pussy". I can honestly say that I have never said anything even CLOSE to that disgusting and cruel. There are plenty of people I do not care for around here (both internet here and real life here), but I don't kick them when they are down. I am not that kind of person. As for my real life, once someone takes advatage of my kindness or really screws me over, they are dead to me...especially if they are supposed to be a friend. I mean, I am all for second chances, but I don't forget. Once my trust has been broken, it has to be earned back. Same thing goes for respect. This has been working out just fine for me. I have a core group of close friends that I know I can count on and deserve my trust, love and respect. I've cleaned house and cut some people out of my life that were dead weight...and I don't regret a single one.
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You make some interesting arguments when you switch from forgiveness to trust, love, respect, and cleaning house...

The first step when I decide to forgive someone is to ask myself whether I want to remain bitter and resentful? Resentments take a lot of negative energy and I believe they are harmful.

When I do forgive, it doesn't mean I have to renew or remain in the relationship with the person who has harmed me. In fact, if the patterns of their behavior are still there, which is quite often the case, I may choose to forgive while at the same time completely removing myself from that relationship...

Finally, power is a key when forgiving someone. If I choose to hold onto resentments, then what I am really saying is that person still has power over me.

One last thing: The hardest person for me to forgive is myself...

THE SHRINK
 
P

PacMan

2
Re: Do you hold grudges?

sweded said:
I feel the same way, PacMan...which is why I don't hate and I don't go after revenge. I've been in situations many times that I could have really fucked someone over worse than they did to me. Instead, I do what I can to remove myself from the situation and move on with my life. No need to put that kind of negative energy out there.
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sweded,

I read a post of yours, this thread a few back, and it reminded me of times when my family (and I) were not allowed to eat in certain establishments. The events are not the same but similar in regard that there are ignorant people everywhere in the world. At some point, the non-positive folk will get theres - just a matter of time. For what it's worth, I think it would be a large mistake on your part if you were put into Gyno's rate a girl thread. I don't know you from a hole in the ground, and could be 100% wrong, but you don't need a bunch of people looking at you and doing God knows what - gave a more detailed talk to one of my now older granddaughter's a while back when a men's mag asked to do a shoot of her. Your choice and if I've crossed a line, I'm sorry.
 
S

sweded

2
Re: Do you hold grudges?

THE SHRINK said:
You make some interesting arguments when you switch from forgiveness to trust, love, respect, and cleaning house...

The first step when I decide to forgive someone is to ask myself whether I want to remain bitter and resentful? Resentments take a lot of negative energy and I believe they are harmful.

When I do forgive, it doesn't mean I have to renew or remain in the relationship with the person who has harmed me. In fact, if the patterns of their behavior are still there, which is quite often the case, I may choose to forgive while at the same time completely removing myself from that relationship...

Finally, power is a key when forgiving someone. If I choose to hold onto resentments, then what I am really saying is that person still has power over me.

One last thing: The hardest person for me to forgive is myself...

THE SHRINK
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I think we look at forgiveness differently. For me, you forgive people you want to rebuild a relationship with. If I do not want to rebuild a relationship with someone, I accept what they did, that I cannot change it and that they are not the kind of person I thought they were or want in my life. I'm not holding on to resentment and bitterness if I don't forgive someone, I'm just not interested in rebuild our relationship. I feel that forgiveness is like respect and trust...it has to be earned...and it begins with acceptance. I'm not perfect. Sometimes there will be a little lingering resentment...but I let that work itself out in time. Time heals all. I am giving to a fault. It has gotten me in some crappy situations. In order to continue to be the person I am (who I happen to like very much), I have to be tough on those that take advantage.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...
 
S

sweded

2
Re: Do you hold grudges?

PacMan said:
sweded,

I read a post of yours, this thread a few back, and it reminded me of times when my family (and I) were not allowed to eat in certain establishments. The events are not the same but similar in regard that there are ignorant people everywhere in the world. At some point, the non-positive folk will get theres - just a matter of time. For what it's worth, I think it would be a large mistake on your part if you were put into Gyno's rate a girl thread. I don't know you from a hole in the ground, and could be 100% wrong, but you don't need a bunch of people looking at you and doing God knows what - gave a more detailed talk to one of my now older granddaughter's a while back when a men's mag asked to do a shoot of her. Your choice and if I've crossed a line, I'm sorry.
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Oh, I was joking about that. I have been rated on both EOG and SBR without even asking for it and it is no fun. I appreciate all of the compliments I have received (even the somewhat dirty ones...I don't get offended easily ;) ), but at the end of the day what matters is I'm happy with myself and my boyfriend thinks I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. I pride myself more on my character than my appearance. Sure, I try to look nice, but it's far more important for someone to say "She has a good heart." than "She is hot."
 
RageWizard

RageWizard

EOG Senior Member
Re: Do you hold grudges?

Holding a grudge is time consuming and bad for your long term health. Eventually if you hold enough of them you become an asshole just like the people that you are holding grudges for.
 
THE SHRINK

THE SHRINK

1
Re: Do you hold grudges?

sweded said:
I think we look at forgiveness differently. For me, you forgive people you want to rebuild a relationship with. If I do not want to rebuild a relationship with someone, I accept what they did, that I cannot change it and that they are not the kind of person I thought they were or want in my life. I'm not holding on to resentment and bitterness if I don't forgive someone, I'm just not interested in rebuild our relationship. I feel that forgiveness is like respect and trust...it has to be earned...and it begins with acceptance. I'm not perfect. Sometimes there will be a little lingering resentment...but I let that work itself out in time. Time heals all. I am giving to a fault. It has gotten me in some crappy situations. In order to continue to be the person I am (who I happen to like very much), I have to be tough on those that take advantage.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...
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I respectfully disagree. In order NOT to forgive, I am judging someone's behavior as not being compatible with my set of morals or God's. It is impossible for me to grow spiritually unless I learn to forgive...

If I am understanding you right, perhaps you are of the mindset that if you forgive, you would be saying that the offense is no big deal and you'd be condoning this behavior?

If that is the case, why not forgive but still hold the person accountable. In other words, despise the sin but love the sinner...

For me, forgiveness is not a one time affair, but rather, it is a process. It is not easy for me to forgive and requires great character. I often fall short but that doesn't mean I don't try...

THE SHRINK
 
S

sweded

2
Re: Do you hold grudges?

THE SHRINK said:
I respectfully disagree. In order NOT to forgive, I am judging someone's behavior as not being compatible with my set of morals or God's. It is impossible for me to grow spiritually unless I learn to forgive...
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This is what I mean by us looking at forgiveness the same. I try very hard not to judge people. For me it's more of: "You hurt me, and that's not okay. If that's how you want to live your life, fine...but you'll be doing so without me in it." It's not to say that I think these people are all bad, just that they are not the kind of people I want around me.

If I am understanding you right, perhaps you are of the mindset that if you forgive, you would be saying that the offense is no big deal and you'd be condoning this behavior?
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Not really. I have forgiven people who know damn well I don't condone what they did and they'll have some work to do to get our relationship back to where it was.

If that is the case, why not forgive but still hold the person accountable. In other words, despise the sin but love the sinner...
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I have done that with the people I deem worthy of forgiveness. Here's the thing: I can't just decide to forgive someone...it takes a lot of work to truly forgive. I listen to my heart. If I feel I don't have it in me to forgive someone, I don't. I'm not going to force myself to say "I forgive you" and I'm certainly not going to feel bad about that.

For me, forgiveness is not a one time affair, but rather, it is a process. It is not easy for me to forgive and requires great character. I often fall short but that doesn't mean I don't try...

THE SHRINK
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Again, we just look at forgiveness differently. I don't feel bad if I can't forgive someone. The way I see it, I have done my part by accepting their actions and seeking peace in my life rather than revenge. Forgiveness is icing on the cake...and I only make cake for those that I know deserve it.
 
Angelsfire

Angelsfire

EOG Dedicated
Re: Do you hold grudges?

THE SHRINK said:
sweded,

I guess I am not smart. It takes way too much energy for me to hold grudges against people. I also ask myself, have I ever acted in this manner?

Quite often, the answer is yes at one time or another...

I am a big believer in forgiveness...

If I am to ask for it, I need to be big enough to demonstrate it, too. Heck, I try and pray for those I don't care for, even though it goes against my natural and most basic instincts...

The bottom line is that holding grudges has never really worked well for me...

Honestly sweded, how's it working for you if I may ask?

Thanks,

THE SHRINK
Click to expand...
Forgiveness is good..IMO Forgetting is bad. Been there done that ,what I got was being a doormat.To be a doormat not fun. It comes down to choice.. I tend to be too caring for my own good sometimes. Giving the other cheek, and giving more chances then Should have. If I let someone hurt me twice who's falt is it then? I think mine..Where dose one draw the line? Good Question have we not all been there?
 
MRSOSUCOWBOYS

MRSOSUCOWBOYS

EOG Addicted
Re: Do you hold grudges?

I used to, but it is worse on the person holding the grudge then the person ur pissed at.

No thanks.

That's gets in the way of a postive mind.
 
Angelsfire

Angelsfire

EOG Dedicated
Re: Do you hold grudges?

Hugs Shrink We should pray for the scum of the earth.Your a good Man!!!!91023i2ndw;l
 
yummy

yummy

2
Re: Do you hold grudges?

MRSOSUCOWBOYS said:
I used to, but it is worse on the person holding the grudge then the person ur pissed at.

No thanks.

That's gets in the way of a postive mind.
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I agree with you. The person you are mad at normally doesn't even know you are still mad.
 
T

Thor4140

EOG Dedicated
Re: Do you hold grudges?

sweded said:
Nicky is not the only one and you know it. People in glass houses, Thor.
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Here is why you hold grudges. You never say the nice things i have thrown your way. Your dog? I felt really bad for you and PM you about it. 2. When your video came out, i was the one (standing alone in that thread i might add)defending you while the guys on this site were trashing you. That was a tough crowd i went against. In the cyber world you give some nice insults also. Okay have a nice day i have to run.
 
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