Re: American Idol 2009- Season 8 Thread and Discussion
OK, a must write up on this phoniest of phony episodes. The show is getting boring, redundant and repetitive. We need something new, what do people like? Artifical drama of reality tv. Ok, we will go to an island, pretend to get lost, set up bamboo chairs for judges, make contestants sit in sand. We are over you. Vote off losers, kick them off island, feed them to sharks.
No, that's been done. What about that pretentious mansion from the bachelor, remember the fake millionaire guy that was actually a construction worker? It's open, and boy was that ever fake, let's do it. First we need a throne room, with great big giant thrones. We need 4 of them, power red colored if available. Check. Bring in some sand to put on floor for contestants to sit on. No that was for the lost AI. Or survivor ai. No sand here anyway. Can they sit on folding chairs? No, none here and all bent up on wrestlers heads. We have these kind of antique looking wooden bare ones? Perfectly fake.
We also need more artificial drama, very much like artificial insemination, only we are truly fucking the viewers. What about a do or die singoff? Shit this show is a total jack off anyway, let's do it.
Bring in the commoners to the judges royal mansion chambers, every mansion has one of those, and a contestants waiting room. Who's first?
That would be Sanjaya redux. No fruity hula dancing, no fruitcake hair don'ts. Get him up first so Apu's can get back to serving squishies. Yo Adoop, what's up? I'm not Sanjaya. No your not, we don't have good news for you. Yawn, we have great news. Welcome to season 8! Collective yell heard across the land from Quickie Marts and 7-11's. Randy proudly announces, Anoop Dog is in the house! No one notices, so he yells it again louder. ANOOP DOG is in the house!!! Free squishies for all, no, what about a 1% discount.
Many contestants get told stay or go. I don't remember any of them anyway, as they were not chosen trainwrecks, sympathy sobbing sessions or feel good stories. They are merely fluff, soem to be kept, some to be discarded at a later date. If they left and you never saw them perform, you missed their split second of fame in the 8 second montage so we could spend more time moaning about Tatiana.
Now it is time for resident odd couple Danny Hokey Gokey and his gangbanger wannabe pal Jamar. In case you missed it, Danny and wife were chillin, minding thier own business when Jamar was trying to whack a gangland rival. Stray bullets from Jamar drive by take out Hokey Gokey's wife. Jamar feels bad, Danny forgives him, turns gay, they are now lovers and share a heart locket. Get it? Okie Dokie. Hokey Gokey can sort of sing, looks kind of normal, and has a dead wife to feel sorry for. He moves on. Gangbanger wifewhacker Jamar looks like a gangbanger, ready to sing kill whitey. Gang tatts and piercing to match bullet holes. Apologetic judges kiss his ass when booting him, they don't want to end up like Hokey Gokey's dead wife. Odd couple give each other obligatory departing hug and tears. Danny asks for other half of heart locket back, as thier are lots of gay guys here. Was getting a little too creepy. Okie Dokie Hokey Gokey.
Speaking of gay guys, we have a boatload of rectal wrecking butt pirates this season. Adam is in full fruit theater mode. Better keep an eye on Seacrest. He moves on, probably from other oral skills and a heavily used set of knee pads.
The singoffs are jack offs. Not really drama, and they almost pair off like vs like. How fake. We have no good news for you, no it's great news. That was lame the first time, the 5th time I changed the channel.
Going away from the blonde bimbo is in to the multiethnic brunette is in. But there are so many of them they all blur into one. Except Tatiana, who gets more camera time then all of the rest of them combined.
The baffoon of the minute Nick or Norman Bates or his mother comes out as Nick. All serious and useless. Judges comment enough of the shitick. But that is all he has. We like him like the class retard, willing to look like complete idiot so we can laugh at him. That's right, zero chance in hell, welcome to season 8 ya fuckin goofball.
My favorite tall blond hand humper material get booted in singoff vs. unfriendly ghetto chickenhead negro abuse victim. She looks ready to cry always, wheter getting abused by mean mam or knowing she is fodder. Sympathy vote, welcome to season 8!
Cute as a button little petite blond has a little pink in her hair now. Does that match down below? I hope so and get hand warmed up for her.
Kinda blind guy of course moves along. Is he looking at the judges when they talk to him? Not wanting to mislead, they label him visually impaired. That's fair, but kinda blind still sounds better. Simon, get a baseball, and throw it directly at his face from a few feet away. That will quiet cynics. Yell catch to give him a chance in case it is outside his 2% tunnel. Forgot to edit out him running down stairs. Laughing. Swinging around red tipped white cane. Not many real blind peole can do that, he does have talent, welcome to season 8. Check hire the handicap quota and sympathy vote.
Tatiana stretches her 15 seconds of deserved fame to 15 minutes per episode. We love to hate the drama queeen and all, but now I hate the show for making her the centerpiece. I've heard of too much of a good thing, but what is too much of a bad thing. Simon asks her not to be annoying for 15 seconds. That is like asking Norman Bates to be entertaining without shtick. She would not be this far. She laughs her hideous fake laugh, screams her fake screams and cries her fake tears. Best part of all is when she does a told you so to all of the judges that wanted to sleep with her to let her win singing contests. And to think you could have go that for $20 back before she was discovered without promising her anything. Even the other contestants hate her.
Next another lame singoff with other super gay victim of mean ass ghetto ho. He has a new friend, who must love pitching. They get to go against each other instead of being inside of each other. Comes out dressed like a super flamer. Hide him from Seacrest. Even Simon takes note, what is that? I wanted to come out and be myself the true me. There was little doubt before, so not that much of an impact. But we get a tell, a sad story with morbidly obese grandma. Mom was a drug addict, and he needs this bad. So this guy could be a double risk for aids, iv user and unprotected AI man sex? Most assuredly after that segemnt he is season 8 material. Yes, he/she is. Cry a lot, dress like a flamer and act totally fem, especailly when mean negro ho's kick your ass. You go girl.
Pacitti is a disaster from first episode on. Performs horribly. They move her along because she has connections. But wait, huge public outcry, didn't we figure out plants don't work from last season? She gets booted, because she has connections. Reality tv at it's finest. Hopefully no one will notice that.
We have the two All American working class guys left. My call they both go through, we only have 34 so far. The welder and the roughneck oil rig tough guy. Simon says neither one can win. Hard to idolize a blue collar working stiffs. Welder can sort of sing, roughneck can. Who cares, there both moving on because we have to end this nightmare on the fakest drama of all, we knew both were moving on because the mansion's royal commoner waiting room only had two guys left and we only had 34 shmucks picked.
They are reaching hard to make it new, but just making it worse. What a trainwreck!
Best Wsihes...oF :+waving-5
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Re: American Idol 2009- Season 8 Thread and Discussion 
