Best/Worst Sexual Experience

shdw01

shdw01

EOG Dedicated
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

HinesWard86 said:
Best

I have a fuckbuddy that is a good friend of mine's sister. She is married, but the absolute best lay in the world. When we first started, we laid out some rules that made her my go to chick. No sleepovers, I didn't have to do oral, no kissing, etc. Just fucking and bj's. Awesome as hell.

Worst

About a year ago went out drinking with some girls from work. They brought with them this girl that used to work where I did. This black girl with some back. We started talking and we hit it off and got wasted as the night advanced. Decide to get a hotel room and walk that way. The entire time this bitch is trying to kiss me and touching herself and touching me. We stopped like five different times in a quarter mile walk cuz she wouldn't keep going unless I kissed her or touched her. Get inside the hotel and of course there is a line to check out a room. We are in the line waiting and this girl will not shit up. She is saying the most sexually explicit shit I've ever heard a girl say. Telling me that she wants me to stick it in her ass and everywhere else. The people in front of us are laughing their asses off at these two drunk idiots. I try to get her to be quiet. I put a finger to her lips and say "Shhhhh be patient". Chick literally grabs my hand and starts sucking my finger like she's giving a bj. She won't let me pull it away and she just keeps going. This sent the other people in the line into an uproar. None of them could stop laughing and yet she was oblivious to the whole thing. Finally, get to the receptionist and this bitch is still acting like this. The receptionist (bless her heart) handles everything like a professional and gets us a room.

Now.......get back up to the hotel room. Immediately start making out and then I pull off her pants. She says she still wants it in her ass so I try to put it in there, but it won't fit. Didn't have any lube or anything so I go to put it in her pussy. Right at this time she says she has to use the bathroom. She sits down and says she doesn't feel good. I press on and she blows me for a little bit (yeah, she didn't care that I was just all around her ass) and again says she feels bad. This time I realize it's serious and move away, I go to get her some water and while I'm gone the bitch just pukes everywhere. All over the floor, all in her panties, all over herself. Vomit fucking everywhere. I'm like well fuck and put back on my clothes and get ready to take care of her all night. I may be an asshole but I do have some morals.

Then.......what happened next I have never experienced again and hope I never do. I had got her some water and she told me to leave so I was laying on the bed laughing at my luck. Then outta nowhere, this chick literally started screaming. She just goes AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Always like that in like a three tone rhythm. AHHHHHHHHHHHH AH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I start freaking the fuck out and try to talk to her. I ask her what she wants and what can I get her? She doesn't respond and just keeps on screaming AHHHHHHHHHHHH AH AHHHHHHHHHHHH. I ask her again and she pauses for like 15 seconds before the bitch starts screaming again.

At this point, I'm freaking out. I'm wasted myself and have no idea what to do. I call up my buddy that was out with us and he says I should just leave. He says he'll come out there and get me. I wait for him to come and try to help her but she is still screaming. He told me later that soon as he got on our floor he could hear her screaming. He knocks on the door and we go out to the stairwell to discuss the plan of action. We walk down two flights of stairs and can STILL hear this bitch screaming. We decide that the best thing to do is to alert the front desk that this girl is screaming. Go downstairs and talk to the nice receptionist (she is black also.....i only mention this for what will happen later). She follows us up to our room and hears her screaming. Walks in the room and sees her with vomit all over the place still screaming and calls the paramedics, the cops, and the fire department. Awesome.

Five minutes later, the whole cavalry shows up. Paramedics come in with a stretcher and start working on her. Cops start asking me questions (honestly, at this point I was scared out of my mind because I was afraid they'd think I tried to rape her or some shit). One dickhead cop insinuates she's a prostitute and asked my buddy who came to pick me up if he was the "co-owner". I tell him no, I had never met her before tonight and she was not a fucking prostitute.

At this point, one of the paramedics comes out with her puke all over him, looks at the cops and says, "I wish I was a motherfucking cop." This was hysterical to me and I spent about five minutes laughing at this while they were trying to get this girl on a stretcher. Finally, they sedate her (apparently she was struggling when they tried to put her on the stretcher) and wheel her off. Everyone leaves except for me, my buddy, and the receptionist. We take the elevator down to the lobby and everything is silent when she delivers the best one-liner I've ever heard given the situation. She tells me that, "I hope this doesn't turn you off of black women." I lost it, my buddy lost it, and she laughed her ass off too. We go back to her desk and she tells me that due to the circumstances she is only going to charge me $50 for the room (regular price is $150). I thank her profusely and leave with my buddy.

Monday rolls around and I got a call in my office. Someone in the office gave that psycho bitch my work number. She asks me what the hell happened and tells me she woke up in a hospital bed and spent the weekend in the hospital. I tell her what happened and she's like "Oh.........". Apparently this girl was engaged to be married in a month and didn't know if she had cheated or not. I tell her the story and she is just silent. I figure I won't hear from her again. Week later, she sends me an e-mail (one of my coworkers is a fucking asshole) and asks me if I want to do lunch. I told her to never call me or e-mail me again.
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hate to quote such a long post but this ranks up there with the WVU deaf chick

:cheers
 
Enfuego

Enfuego

EOG Dedicated
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

I was about 19 and my buddy who was about 20-21 was dating a 37-year-old with a few kids. Anyway, he tells me he's dating this gal and she lives in this huge nice house and when I asked him about the father he told me he had just shot himself and the lady was a widow with his kids.

So, after I told him to have fun he says she has a 38-year-old friend that's horny all the time. So, me being a youngster said hell, why not give it a shot? We go out to a bar (fake ID) and we play pool all night. I'm drinking heavily and as the night winds down we leave the bar. We get to talking more and she begins to tell me she's married and her husband is in prison. She tells me she has 3 kids and they live with her mom.

I'm thinking "what the fuck have I gotten myself into here?" We get back to my buddies fuck buddie's house and I'm already creeped out because the guy killed himself in this house but whatever. I came to the conclusion I was going to strike out so I go downstairs and get into some spare room. All of a sudden the door opens and the girl is on me like a damn lion attacking a wildebeest and rips my pants down. It's high noon on my sun dial and as I'm trying to take care of business she says "oh no cowboy, those are comin' all the way down before we take care of business."

Well, I'm damn 19 and I'm with a married chick of 38 with 3 kids and unlike most on this site I will admit I put on a less than steller performance. After we're done she just leaves me there like a hooker and walks out. I just got up the next morning and got ready for our softball tournament.

No, thank you's or see ya's or talk to you later or anything. It was just pure and straight fucking with nothing and that's how it should be.



I also took a fatty home from the bar one night and as we're naked in her bed I told her I didn't have any condoms and she said "don't worry, there's a basket of them on my bedside table." I think I puked in my mouth but I put my helmet on and took on the lead blocker. She was ugly.
 
RobSkunk

RobSkunk

2
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

if some of you guys would put as much effort into your gambling in sights as your jackoff stories this would be a helluva site.

i got the clap four times. once by a girl with no legs. i got her back though and moved the steps from her trailers. should have seen the bitch try and hop back up.
 
Mr. Sanderson

Mr. Sanderson

2
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

worst
i was getting with this girl the first time. she lived with her mom so we werent going to do it there. so, i asked "do you have a place we can go?" (i didnt know the area at all)... i drove us by her instructions to this apartement complex and it was very late at night. we went down to the basement area where there was a laundry room, and in that room there was a long sofa. i was a bit uncomfy at that point because even with it being late, someone still couldve come down there.

anyway, we were in the act and i noticed in the position i was in there were two doors on that floor. so, i asked her if anyone lived there. she said "yes" and told me that her EX-BOYFRIEND did (that's how she knew about the spot). then, she told me to be real quiet because he never sleeps.. i said "is he an insomniac or something?" she said, "Yes, and hes also fucking crazy. That's why we broke up, he tried to KILL ME with a knife last time we were together and he is also PSYZOPHRENIC."

needless to say, i was quiet as a mouse and finished my business withing seconds to get the fuck outta there. bitch was crazy. she was trying to get our asses killed. true story.
 
Dante

Dante

EOG Veteran
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

HinesWard86 said:
Best

I have a fuckbuddy that is a good friend of mine's sister. She is married, but the absolute best lay in the world. When we first started, we laid out some rules that made her my go to chick. No sleepovers, I didn't have to do oral, no kissing, etc. Just fucking and bj's. Awesome as hell.

.
Click to expand...


come on Hinesy BE HONEST you got this fuckbuddy due to the fact that posting alot like you do turns her on beyond belief ,She probably gets WET just thinking of you, combine that with the fact you are steeler fan made her clothes melt off for you
 
Mr. Sanderson

Mr. Sanderson

2
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

HinesWard86 said:
Best

I have a fuckbuddy that is a good friend of mine's sister. She is married, but the absolute best lay in the world. When we first started, we laid out some rules that made her my go to chick. No sleepovers, I didn't have to do oral, no kissing, etc. Just fucking and bj's. Awesome as hell.

Worst

About a year ago went out drinking with some girls from work. They brought with them this girl that used to work where I did. This black girl with some back. We started talking and we hit it off and got wasted as the night advanced. Decide to get a hotel room and walk that way. The entire time this bitch is trying to kiss me and touching herself and touching me. We stopped like five different times in a quarter mile walk cuz she wouldn't keep going unless I kissed her or touched her. Get inside the hotel and of course there is a line to check out a room. We are in the line waiting and this girl will not shit up. She is saying the most sexually explicit shit I've ever heard a girl say. Telling me that she wants me to stick it in her ass and everywhere else. The people in front of us are laughing their asses off at these two drunk idiots. I try to get her to be quiet. I put a finger to her lips and say "Shhhhh be patient". Chick literally grabs my hand and starts sucking my finger like she's giving a bj. She won't let me pull it away and she just keeps going. This sent the other people in the line into an uproar. None of them could stop laughing and yet she was oblivious to the whole thing. Finally, get to the receptionist and this bitch is still acting like this. The receptionist (bless her heart) handles everything like a professional and gets us a room.

Now.......get back up to the hotel room. Immediately start making out and then I pull off her pants. She says she still wants it in her ass so I try to put it in there, but it won't fit. Didn't have any lube or anything so I go to put it in her pussy. Right at this time she says she has to use the bathroom. She sits down and says she doesn't feel good. I press on and she blows me for a little bit (yeah, she didn't care that I was just all around her ass) and again says she feels bad. This time I realize it's serious and move away, I go to get her some water and while I'm gone the bitch just pukes everywhere. All over the floor, all in her panties, all over herself. Vomit fucking everywhere. I'm like well fuck and put back on my clothes and get ready to take care of her all night. I may be an asshole but I do have some morals.

Then.......what happened next I have never experienced again and hope I never do. I had got her some water and she told me to leave so I was laying on the bed laughing at my luck. Then outta nowhere, this chick literally started screaming. She just goes AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Always like that in like a three tone rhythm. AHHHHHHHHHHHH AH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I start freaking the fuck out and try to talk to her. I ask her what she wants and what can I get her? She doesn't respond and just keeps on screaming AHHHHHHHHHHHH AH AHHHHHHHHHHHH. I ask her again and she pauses for like 15 seconds before the bitch starts screaming again.

At this point, I'm freaking out. I'm wasted myself and have no idea what to do. I call up my buddy that was out with us and he says I should just leave. He says he'll come out there and get me. I wait for him to come and try to help her but she is still screaming. He told me later that soon as he got on our floor he could hear her screaming. He knocks on the door and we go out to the stairwell to discuss the plan of action. We walk down two flights of stairs and can STILL hear this bitch screaming. We decide that the best thing to do is to alert the front desk that this girl is screaming. Go downstairs and talk to the nice receptionist (she is black also.....i only mention this for what will happen later). She follows us up to our room and hears her screaming. Walks in the room and sees her with vomit all over the place still screaming and calls the paramedics, the cops, and the fire department. Awesome.

Five minutes later, the whole cavalry shows up. Paramedics come in with a stretcher and start working on her. Cops start asking me questions (honestly, at this point I was scared out of my mind because I was afraid they'd think I tried to rape her or some shit). One dickhead cop insinuates she's a prostitute and asked my buddy who came to pick me up if he was the "co-owner". I tell him no, I had never met her before tonight and she was not a fucking prostitute.

At this point, one of the paramedics comes out with her puke all over him, looks at the cops and says, "I wish I was a motherfucking cop." This was hysterical to me and I spent about five minutes laughing at this while they were trying to get this girl on a stretcher. Finally, they sedate her (apparently she was struggling when they tried to put her on the stretcher) and wheel her off. Everyone leaves except for me, my buddy, and the receptionist. We take the elevator down to the lobby and everything is silent when she delivers the best one-liner I've ever heard given the situation. She tells me that, "I hope this doesn't turn you off of black women." I lost it, my buddy lost it, and she laughed her ass off too. We go back to her desk and she tells me that due to the circumstances she is only going to charge me $50 for the room (regular price is $150). I thank her profusely and leave with my buddy.

Monday rolls around and I got a call in my office. Someone in the office gave that psycho bitch my work number. She asks me what the hell happened and tells me she woke up in a hospital bed and spent the weekend in the hospital. I tell her what happened and she's like "Oh.........". Apparently this girl was engaged to be married in a month and didn't know if she had cheated or not. I tell her the story and she is just silent. I figure I won't hear from her again. Week later, she sends me an e-mail (one of my coworkers is a fucking asshole) and asks me if I want to do lunch. I told her to never call me or e-mail me again.
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i was like, "he didnt fuck her in the vomit and shit did he?":LMAOi had no idea where that was going. good one.
 
HinesWard86

HinesWard86

2
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

Dante said:
come on Hinesy BE HONEST you got this fuckbuddy due to the fact that posting alot like you do turns her on beyond belief ,She probably gets WET just thinking of you, combine that with the fact you are steeler fan made her clothes melt off for you
Click to expand...

Haha, as bad as it sounds she's one of my buddy's little sisters. She had a crush on me forever and when I came home over the summer she made a move and it went down.

Damn though dante....never heard you talk like that. You're gonna make Sweded and Sportsgirl moist.

Go get that potato pussy :cheers
 
Dante

Dante

EOG Veteran
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

HinesWard86 said:
Haha, as bad as it sounds she's one of my buddy's little sisters. She had a crush on me forever and when I came home over the summer she made a move and it went down.

Damn though dante....never heard you talk like that. You're gonna make Sweded and Sportsgirl moist.

Go get that potato pussy :cheers
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I can get a bit rowdy at times man ...:cheers
 
Mr. Sanderson

Mr. Sanderson

2
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

WVU said:
my strangest sexual experience was no doubt my encouter with a deaf chick. Here is a cut and paste of what I posted elsewhere:

So, I slept with a deaf chick this weekend

<HR style="COLOR: #fdde82" SIZE=1>No offense to any deaf people here, but this was one weird scene.

I met this girl through a mutual friend and everything went off without a hitch. We met for drinks and dinner then proceeded to go back to her place to watch a movie and sip some wine. We watched some old war movie with closed caption. That went over fine and we even had some interesting conversation the best that we could.

She could speak fairly well, but with that common nasal tone that you often hear from deaf people. She had no hearing at all, but was great at reading lips. I tried my best to enunciate all my syllables correctly. She noticed that I seemed to have experience talking to deaf people and I told her that I was trying hard to impress.

After polishing off a bottle of cabernet, she started to get a little cozy with me. I was ok with that as she had a smoking body that I was eager to see more of. After the light kissing and petting increased to a higher level she took me by the hand and led me to her bedroom. I was still very comfortable with all this and had no idea of the bizarre scene that awaited me.

She proceeded to undress completely and I followed suit. Her eyes did not leave my face as though she was studying my every move. This made me slightly uncomfortable, but I was 100% intent on getting the goods.

She wasted no time going down on me. She was very good at giving head and I laid back to enjoy it. All of a sudden she would stop everything she was doing so that she could get a good look at my face. At first I thought something was wrong, but I figured out she was trying to read my reaction to see if I was enjoying it. This went on for about 15-20 minutes with her getting into it and stopping to get my reaction.

After the 5th or 6th time I decided this was too much of a tease. I pulled her up and proceeded to go down on her. She was very much liking this and began arching her back and then it happened. I thought we had rolled over on her cat as I heard this strange earpiercing sound. Now, I am no amateur and have been able to produce some good sounds from women in the past, but this sound was nothing like I have heard before.

I seriously thought she was hurting or crying or dieing. It was extremely loud and extremely high pitched. She sounded kind of like a dog squeak toy. I was still hell bent on performing for her so I tried to ignore the sounds I was hearing. I even burried my face deeper and clamped her thighs over my ears to try to muffle the sound. It was no use. I imagine her whole condo thought I was murdering her in there. Her shrieks became panting shrieks and I could not take any more of it.

I stopped what I was doing and decided to proceed with intercourse. 5 seconds into it she was back to shrieking and then stopping everything to look at my face and read my reaction. Well let's just say I was barely enjoying myself and was ready to smother this deaf girl. After 15 minutes or so of this I could not take it any longer so I faked an orgasm and ended the session and went home. I feel like I am forever scarred and will not ever be able to enjoy the sounds of a woman in the bedroom.
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:LMAO:LMAO:LMAO
 
Mr. Sanderson

Mr. Sanderson

2
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

4625 said:
Worst: In my previous life as a bartender, I was on the opening crew of Confetti in Metarie with a bunch of other bartenders/waitresses from the Houston Confetti. After working 6 nights straight, a bunch of the bartenders had a night off, so went out to see what kind of trouble we could rassle up in the great state of Louisiana. Understand that we are all Texas boys, who are used to timing the booze flow for a two o'clock last call--which of course does not occurr in the great state of Louisiana. So, it's wild, crazy, whaddevvuh, and it gets to be about five ayem, and one of my buds is with me in the parking lot of some bar somewhere in New Orleans, and we are waiting for a cab to take us back to the rest of the crew. These two chicks roll up, and each are wearing full, floor-length skirts, and they look like the skirts actually have hoops in them, that's how full the rigs were. They hit on us hard, very little small talk, just: "we can give you'all a ride," "wanna come back to our room," the whole drill. We stop at a convenience store for a bottle of Bacardi, and go back to their room. There's two beds, so after a while the scene is on, and the clothes are droppin.' It turns out that both girls are (how do I say this delicately) "big--boned" if you will; which is THE main buzz-kill for me. My buddy is takin' care of bizness, so I soldier on and take one for the team. Now, all this time, my girl has had this unusual accent--which I attributed to being some sort of Cajun, Nawlins' thing. However, as we are slipping out of our skivvies, she reaches up and pops out one of those big hearing aid things, and sets it down on the end table. She is so hard of hearing, that she now has to read my lips. So, to recap, this girl is larger than anything I've ever harpooned; she picked me up out of a drunken stupor in the parking lot of a New Orleans bar; and, she's deaf as a fencepost. Of course, my buddy in the next bed was taking time from his busy activities to inscribe every event and the conversation into his permanent memory banks. As soon as we left their rooms after doing our duty, I started hearing it. Of course, the news went around the opening crew like wildfire. I worked for that nightclub company for about another eight years, and I never, ever, heard the end of my drunken night with the deaf fatty in the great state of Louisiana. . .
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deaf fatties need lovin' too :suit:
 
Seymour

Seymour

EOG Dedicated
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

Worst - effing this girl in her ass and I pulled my cock out and the head was covered in shit - to this day I'm still grateful that I had a condom on - needless to say I'm not a big anal fan - I'm not not a scared rabbit when it comes to anal but unless the girl asks to get effed in the ass I can live without it

Best - me and three girls - one girl said she just wanted to watch - after watching my eff her friends she took her panties off and told me to eff her too
 
Timetopay

Timetopay

EOG Master
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

Seymour said:
Worst - effing this girl in her ass and I pulled my cock out and the head was covered in shit - to this day I'm still grateful that I had a condom on - needless to say I'm not a big anal fan - I'm not not a scared rabbit when it comes to anal but unless the girl asks to get effed in the ass I can live without it

Best - me and three girls - one girl said she just wanted to watch - after watching my eff her friends she took her panties off and told me to eff her too
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these were the kind of threads where we need J. His stories would be legendary...
 
Seymour

Seymour

EOG Dedicated
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

Yeah, but they're all fish tales - he's still waiting for those two bi Michigan cheerleaders to show up
 
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