Best/Worst Sexual Experience

Timetopay

EOG Master
What you all got

Lets not get to graphic but lets here some stories.

Hot chick you nailed way before you thought?
When you were pounding a chick you think of MO(that's for Timely)
2 on 1 stuff
For the ladies- you all excited to be with a guy and he lasts mere seconds. (Tuckmans best effort I will call this one)
 
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

In high school I was dating this guy that I REALLY liked. So, like any good girl, I waited a while before I let him hit it. Well, I shit you not the guy didn't even get it all the way in before he busted a nut...and he didn't have much to get in there if you know what I mean. So....I went through all this waiting and crap and not only was I NOT satisfied with the results....the dude dumped ME the next week. WHAT?! Douchebag. He had some lame excuse about wanting to focus on his school work....fast forward 2 months later and he had failed out. He was working at a gas station for years after I graduated. I didn't notice them, but he must have balls of steal because he actually asked me one day if I wanted to hook up. Too bad my girl and I were high as kites....we both started laughing so hard we almost peed our pants. Seriously, two pump chump would be a compliment for this guy and he though I wanted it again?! :LMAO
 
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

LOL, Joey...that happens sometimes. A couple of my worst have been with my current dude and probably 4 out of my top 5 best.
 

biggamer3

EOG Master
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

In high school I was dating this guy that I REALLY liked. So, like any good girl, I waited a while before I let him hit it. Well, I shit you not the guy didn't even get it all the way in before he busted a nut...and he didn't have much to get in there if you know what I mean. So....I went through all this waiting and crap and not only was I NOT satisfied with the results....the dude dumped ME the next week. WHAT?! Douchebag. He had some lame excuse about wanting to focus on his school work....fast forward 2 months later and he had failed out. He was working at a gas station for years after I graduated. I didn't notice them, but he must have balls of steal because he actually asked me one day if I wanted to hook up. Too bad my girl and I were high as kites....we both started laughing so hard we almost peed our pants. Seriously, two pump chump would be a compliment for this guy and he though I wanted it again?! :LMAO

Ok now say the story again please but this time start off with "dear Penthouse...."
 
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

P.S. Joey, I was in Newport Saturday and tried to convince my girls to go to 5th Element, but I was out-voted and we went to the Parrot. :(
 

Timetopay

EOG Master
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

Had a girl take off her underwear and saw a shit stripe.

Totally threw me off and was disgusted.

Still let her give me a blow job but that was where i drew the line.
 

felonee

EOG Veteran
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

Worst for me was boning a total fatty that I worked with over a summer in college. I was loaded and she was really nice... but no way was I going to go out with this girl.... during the actual act she starting talking about how great it was going to be having me as a boyfriend.... well, needless to say I didn't correct her assumption until I finished....but I was certainly feeling pretty crappy doing the deed..... She had God's worse curse (big girl-small titties, so I couldn't even focus in on the funbags)

She wound up crying after I said I didn't want a girlfriend at that particular point in time..
 
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

LOL, Joey...that happens sometimes. A couple of my worst have been with my current dude and probably 4 out of my top 5 best.
Man, now that's just cold Swede. If he's not all five of your Top 5, you shouldn't admit that to anybody else.

But now that it's out in the open, what made the other dude in your Top 5 so special?

:pop:
 
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

Best

I have a fuckbuddy that is a good friend of mine's sister. She is married, but the absolute best lay in the world. When we first started, we laid out some rules that made her my go to chick. No sleepovers, I didn't have to do oral, no kissing, etc. Just fucking and bj's. Awesome as hell.

Worst

About a year ago went out drinking with some girls from work. They brought with them this girl that used to work where I did. This black girl with some back. We started talking and we hit it off and got wasted as the night advanced. Decide to get a hotel room and walk that way. The entire time this bitch is trying to kiss me and touching herself and touching me. We stopped like five different times in a quarter mile walk cuz she wouldn't keep going unless I kissed her or touched her. Get inside the hotel and of course there is a line to check out a room. We are in the line waiting and this girl will not shit up. She is saying the most sexually explicit shit I've ever heard a girl say. Telling me that she wants me to stick it in her ass and everywhere else. The people in front of us are laughing their asses off at these two drunk idiots. I try to get her to be quiet. I put a finger to her lips and say "Shhhhh be patient". Chick literally grabs my hand and starts sucking my finger like she's giving a bj. She won't let me pull it away and she just keeps going. This sent the other people in the line into an uproar. None of them could stop laughing and yet she was oblivious to the whole thing. Finally, get to the receptionist and this bitch is still acting like this. The receptionist (bless her heart) handles everything like a professional and gets us a room.

Now.......get back up to the hotel room. Immediately start making out and then I pull off her pants. She says she still wants it in her ass so I try to put it in there, but it won't fit. Didn't have any lube or anything so I go to put it in her pussy. Right at this time she says she has to use the bathroom. She sits down and says she doesn't feel good. I press on and she blows me for a little bit (yeah, she didn't care that I was just all around her ass) and again says she feels bad. This time I realize it's serious and move away, I go to get her some water and while I'm gone the bitch just pukes everywhere. All over the floor, all in her panties, all over herself. Vomit fucking everywhere. I'm like well fuck and put back on my clothes and get ready to take care of her all night. I may be an asshole but I do have some morals.

Then.......what happened next I have never experienced again and hope I never do. I had got her some water and she told me to leave so I was laying on the bed laughing at my luck. Then outta nowhere, this chick literally started screaming. She just goes AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Always like that in like a three tone rhythm. AHHHHHHHHHHHH AH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I start freaking the fuck out and try to talk to her. I ask her what she wants and what can I get her? She doesn't respond and just keeps on screaming AHHHHHHHHHHHH AH AHHHHHHHHHHHH. I ask her again and she pauses for like 15 seconds before the bitch starts screaming again.

At this point, I'm freaking out. I'm wasted myself and have no idea what to do. I call up my buddy that was out with us and he says I should just leave. He says he'll come out there and get me. I wait for him to come and try to help her but she is still screaming. He told me later that soon as he got on our floor he could hear her screaming. He knocks on the door and we go out to the stairwell to discuss the plan of action. We walk down two flights of stairs and can STILL hear this bitch screaming. We decide that the best thing to do is to alert the front desk that this girl is screaming. Go downstairs and talk to the nice receptionist (she is black also.....i only mention this for what will happen later). She follows us up to our room and hears her screaming. Walks in the room and sees her with vomit all over the place still screaming and calls the paramedics, the cops, and the fire department. Awesome.

Five minutes later, the whole cavalry shows up. Paramedics come in with a stretcher and start working on her. Cops start asking me questions (honestly, at this point I was scared out of my mind because I was afraid they'd think I tried to rape her or some shit). One dickhead cop insinuates she's a prostitute and asked my buddy who came to pick me up if he was the "co-owner". I tell him no, I had never met her before tonight and she was not a fucking prostitute.

At this point, one of the paramedics comes out with her puke all over him, looks at the cops and says, "I wish I was a motherfucking cop." This was hysterical to me and I spent about five minutes laughing at this while they were trying to get this girl on a stretcher. Finally, they sedate her (apparently she was struggling when they tried to put her on the stretcher) and wheel her off. Everyone leaves except for me, my buddy, and the receptionist. We take the elevator down to the lobby and everything is silent when she delivers the best one-liner I've ever heard given the situation. She tells me that, "I hope this doesn't turn you off of black women." I lost it, my buddy lost it, and she laughed her ass off too. We go back to her desk and she tells me that due to the circumstances she is only going to charge me $50 for the room (regular price is $150). I thank her profusely and leave with my buddy.

Monday rolls around and I got a call in my office. Someone in the office gave that psycho bitch my work number. She asks me what the hell happened and tells me she woke up in a hospital bed and spent the weekend in the hospital. I tell her what happened and she's like "Oh.........". Apparently this girl was engaged to be married in a month and didn't know if she had cheated or not. I tell her the story and she is just silent. I figure I won't hear from her again. Week later, she sends me an e-mail (one of my coworkers is a fucking asshole) and asks me if I want to do lunch. I told her to never call me or e-mail me again.
 
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

Best

I have a fuckbuddy that is a good friend of mine's sister. She is married, but the absolute best lay in the world. When we first started, we laid out some rules that made her my go to chick. No sleepovers, I didn't have to do oral, no kissing, etc. Just fucking and bj's. Awesome as hell.

Worst

About a year ago went out drinking with some girls from work. They brought with them this girl that used to work where I did. This black girl with some back. We started talking and we hit it off and got wasted as the night advanced. Decide to get a hotel room and walk that way. The entire time this bitch is trying to kiss me and touching herself and touching me. We stopped like five different times in a quarter mile walk cuz she wouldn't keep going unless I kissed her or touched her. Get inside the hotel and of course there is a line to check out a room. We are in the line waiting and this girl will not shit up. She is saying the most sexually explicit shit I've ever heard a girl say. Telling me that she wants me to stick it in her ass and everywhere else. The people in front of us are laughing their asses off at these two drunk idiots. I try to get her to be quiet. I put a finger to her lips and say "Shhhhh be patient". Chick literally grabs my hand and starts sucking my finger like she's giving a bj. She won't let me pull it away and she just keeps going. This sent the other people in the line into an uproar. None of them could stop laughing and yet she was oblivious to the whole thing. Finally, get to the receptionist and this bitch is still acting like this. The receptionist (bless her heart) handles everything like a professional and gets us a room.

Now.......get back up to the hotel room. Immediately start making out and then I pull off her pants. She says she still wants it in her ass so I try to put it in there, but it won't fit. Didn't have any lube or anything so I go to put it in her pussy. Right at this time she says she has to use the bathroom. She sits down and says she doesn't feel good. I press on and she blows me for a little bit (yeah, she didn't care that I was just all around her ass) and again says she feels bad. This time I realize it's serious and move away, I go to get her some water and while I'm gone the bitch just pukes everywhere. All over the floor, all in her panties, all over herself. Vomit fucking everywhere. I'm like well fuck and put back on my clothes and get ready to take care of her all night. I may be an asshole but I do have some morals.

Then.......what happened next I have never experienced again and hope I never do. I had got her some water and she told me to leave so I was laying on the bed laughing at my luck. Then outta nowhere, this chick literally started screaming. She just goes AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Always like that in like a three tone rhythm. AHHHHHHHHHHHH AH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I start freaking the fuck out and try to talk to her. I ask her what she wants and what can I get her? She doesn't respond and just keeps on screaming AHHHHHHHHHHHH AH AHHHHHHHHHHHH. I ask her again and she pauses for like 15 seconds before the bitch starts screaming again.

At this point, I'm freaking out. I'm wasted myself and have no idea what to do. I call up my buddy that was out with us and he says I should just leave. He says he'll come out there and get me. I wait for him to come and try to help her but she is still screaming. He told me later that soon as he got on our floor he could hear her screaming. He knocks on the door and we go out to the stairwell to discuss the plan of action. We walk down two flights of stairs and can STILL hear this bitch screaming. We decide that the best thing to do is to alert the front desk that this girl is screaming. Go downstairs and talk to the nice receptionist (she is black also.....i only mention this for what will happen later). She follows us up to our room and hears her screaming. Walks in the room and sees her with vomit all over the place still screaming and calls the paramedics, the cops, and the fire department. Awesome.

Five minutes later, the whole cavalry shows up. Paramedics come in with a stretcher and start working on her. Cops start asking me questions (honestly, at this point I was scared out of my mind because I was afraid they'd think I tried to rape her or some shit). One dickhead cop insinuates she's a prostitute and asked my buddy who came to pick me up if he was the "co-owner". I tell him no, I had never met her before tonight and she was not a fucking prostitute.

At this point, one of the paramedics comes out with her puke all over him, looks at the cops and says, "I wish I was a motherfucking cop." This was hysterical to me and I spent about five minutes laughing at this while they were trying to get this girl on a stretcher. Finally, they sedate her (apparently she was struggling when they tried to put her on the stretcher) and wheel her off. Everyone leaves except for me, my buddy, and the receptionist. We take the elevator down to the lobby and everything is silent when she delivers the best one-liner I've ever heard given the situation. She tells me that, "I hope this doesn't turn you off of black women." I lost it, my buddy lost it, and she laughed her ass off too. We go back to her desk and she tells me that due to the circumstances she is only going to charge me $50 for the room (regular price is $150). I thank her profusely and leave with my buddy.

Monday rolls around and I got a call in my office. Someone in the office gave that psycho bitch my work number. She asks me what the hell happened and tells me she woke up in a hospital bed and spent the weekend in the hospital. I tell her what happened and she's like "Oh.........". Apparently this girl was engaged to be married in a month and didn't know if she had cheated or not. I tell her the story and she is just silent. I figure I won't hear from her again. Week later, she sends me an e-mail (one of my coworkers is a fucking asshole) and asks me if I want to do lunch. I told her to never call me or e-mail me again.

GREAT STORY...

I can't believe I took the time to read every word but I'm glad i did....:thumbsup
 
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

Worst for me was boning a total fatty that I worked with over a summer in college. I was loaded and she was really nice... but no way was I going to go out with this girl.... during the actual act she starting talking about how great it was going to be having me as a boyfriend.... well, needless to say I didn't correct her assumption until I finished....but I was certainly feeling pretty crappy doing the deed..... She had God's worse curse (big girl-small titties, so I couldn't even focus in on the funbags)

She wound up crying after I said I didn't want a girlfriend at that particular point in time..

Hey, that's her fault for not asking about that before openin' up them thunder thighs.
 
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

I made a poor girl LIMP in High School...

Does that count? :+clueless

Wow...so unattractive the girl went limp? I didn't even know that could happen....but I'm guessin' it counts. It may even be the winner. :blink:

:+textinb3
 
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

Man, now that's just cold Swede. If he's not all five of your Top 5, you shouldn't admit that to anybody else.

But now that it's out in the open, what made the other dude in your Top 5 so special?

:pop:

Yeah, now that I read it again, I'd be pretty fucking pissed if my man said that about me. To be fair, I was throwing in one particularly steamy session with one of my ex's. Nothin super special about him. They just have different styles. Sometimes even good girls want to be treated like a pron star, ya know? Believe me, my BF could easily bump that right out of my top 5. He just respects me and alll that.

That time with the ex may not even be in the top 5...maybe top 15....but even then 99 out of my top 100 are with my current BF. And collectively, he is by FAR the best.
 
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

nothing worse than a busted condom, teething on head, dry girls, and girls that lay lifeless 2938u4ji23
 

AMBlai01

EOG Enthusiast
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

Unreal story....I have no idea what I would do in that situation myself...sounds like you handled it a lot better than I would.
 
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

LOL, Hines! I have one kind of like that. I think I may even have shared it the last time we did a thread like this.

I was out with me friends one night and decided to call my ex (this would be the same ex I was just talking about) for some drunk sex. I called him and told him ALL of the disgusting things I wanted to do to him, so he met us at a gas station to pick me up. Now, this is the part of the story where I tell you that he had to pick me up out of her car and put me in his in case you're feeling sorry for him later. So, about half way into the ride home I puked all over his car...then he had to pull over about 3 more times. He finally got me into my house, undressed me, put me to bed and he even slept over to make sure I didn't choke on my own vomit...but he got no lovin'. I made a feeble attempt to make up for it after I showered the next morning, but I still had the spins. Oopsie.
 

kid44

EOG Dedicated
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

My 2 favs. Old gf and her great sis and I were out and ended back at my pad. Well, it took some coaxing but all 3 of us spent the night in my waterbed. Yea waterbed, 20 years ago.

Met a girl at Summerfest, drop down 10+++++++++++ and listened to music most of the day, drank and just a fun time with a group of friends. Midnight she calls me outside to her car and things happen and we are on our way to the hotel. She brings in a small briefcase and I am somewhat confused. Opens it and full of scented massage oils. She rubs me from every toe to the top of my head. Great sex all night. I get ready to go to work, without sleep, and she says she is married. OOPS What a beautiful woman that was.
 
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

I called him and told him ALL of the disgusting things I wanted to do to him, so he met us at a gas station to pick me up. Now, this is the part of the story where I tell you that he had to pick me up out of her car and put me in his in case you're feeling sorry for him later. So, about half way into the ride home I puked all over his car...then he had to pull over about 3 more times. He finally got me into my house, undressed me, put me to bed and he even slept over to make sure I didn't choke on my own vomit...but he got no lovin'. I made a feeble attempt to make up for it after I showered the next morning, but I still had the spins. Oopsie.

Can you please elaborate on what you consider to be disgusting things? :pop:

Thanks in advance,

THE SHRINK
 
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

Worst: In my previous life as a bartender, I was on the opening crew of Confetti in Metarie with a bunch of other bartenders/waitresses from the Houston Confetti. After working 6 nights straight, a bunch of the bartenders had a night off, so went out to see what kind of trouble we could rassle up in the great state of Louisiana. Understand that we are all Texas boys, who are used to timing the booze flow for a two o'clock last call--which of course does not occurr in the great state of Louisiana. So, it's wild, crazy, whaddevvuh, and it gets to be about five ayem, and one of my buds is with me in the parking lot of some bar somewhere in New Orleans, and we are waiting for a cab to take us back to the rest of the crew. These two chicks roll up, and each are wearing full, floor-length skirts, and they look like the skirts actually have hoops in them, that's how full the rigs were. They hit on us hard, very little small talk, just: "we can give you'all a ride," "wanna come back to our room," the whole drill. We stop at a convenience store for a bottle of Bacardi, and go back to their room. There's two beds, so after a while the scene is on, and the clothes are droppin.' It turns out that both girls are (how do I say this delicately) "big--boned" if you will; which is THE main buzz-kill for me. My buddy is takin' care of bizness, so I soldier on and take one for the team. Now, all this time, my girl has had this unusual accent--which I attributed to being some sort of Cajun, Nawlins' thing. However, as we are slipping out of our skivvies, she reaches up and pops out one of those big hearing aid things, and sets it down on the end table. She is so hard of hearing, that she now has to read my lips. So, to recap, this girl is larger than anything I've ever harpooned; she picked me up out of a drunken stupor in the parking lot of a New Orleans bar; and, she's deaf as a fencepost. Of course, my buddy in the next bed was taking time from his busy activities to inscribe every event and the conversation into his permanent memory banks. As soon as we left their rooms after doing our duty, I started hearing it. Of course, the news went around the opening crew like wildfire. I worked for that nightclub company for about another eight years, and I never, ever, heard the end of my drunken night with the deaf fatty in the great state of Louisiana. . .
 

WeinketoWarrick

EOG Master
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

I was down in New Orleans over the weekend for a friend's bachelor party. There were about 15 guys there, most of them single, so pretty much everybody was looking to get laid. I'm happily married, and have never cheated on my wife, so all I wanted to do was party my ass off.

I got there Friday night at about 10. By 10:30 I was out on Bourbon St with a hurricane in hand. A few minutes later I met the group out at a place called Razoo's and caught up a bit with 5 shots in 5 minutes – I was way behind. By 1AM I was loaded and had a serious itch for some powder. I wasn't able to get some in time back home, but at the same time I was pretty leery of trying to make something happen in New Orleans But who knows, I tell myself – might as well keep my eyes and ears open.

Around 4AM a middle-aged man advertises the fact that he's selling – exactly the kind of situation I know to be a rip-off waiting to happen. I really wanted it bad though, so I took a chance. After each of us was satisfied that the other wasn't a cop, we found a secluded spot for the transaction. He took out a magnificent rock of an 8ball and shoved a pebble up my nose. Pretty good stuff – I'm in luck! What happened next was some magnificent kind of slight of hand, because he switched the ball of good stuff with barely a gram of total crap while I was counting out $160, making sure to keep my eyes on his hands. Rats – rolled AGAIN. When will I ever learn?

Good news though – some Mississippi fraternity boys came through for us the next night. They were staying in some rooms next to ours at the Royal Sonesta – we had 2nd floor balcony right on Bourbon. They hooked us up with some really outstanding stuff for a fair price. JACKPOT! We hung around watching the parade until 11 or so, getting really blasted, and then headed out to the bars.

Third stop or so we end up at a place with a nice dance floor. Much to my friends' delight, the ratio in there is decent – girls in general were kinda sparse all weekend, and all the hotties seemed to have men on their arms. Didn't matter to me as I was only looking for a good time and a lot of eye candy – neither of which were in short supply. For my friends though it was a major issue, and standards were dropping rapidly, in some cases dramatically. LOL.

Anyway, there were a few bachelorette parties going on in there, one of which was pretty small – only 7 girls. Six of them were freakin outstanding – hot hot hot hot hot hot hot. The problem is, they seem totally into a girls' night, and are giving guys the Heisman left and right. Even when I was single, I had a gift of coming off as totally harmless and innocent, so I decide to give talking them up a shot.

It worked. Pretty quickly, I was all chatty-chatty with all of them, dancing with all of them, making them laugh. It was great – I loved the attention. I especially loved that all the other guys, including my friends, kept trying, kept trying, and kept getting shot down.

So I keep drinking hard, and keep hitting the bathroom. After a while, the hottest among the group starts getting a little touchy with me and asks if I like to party. "That's a silly question," I tell her, and explain the details of my situation. She wants to leave right away.

At this point I have no intention whatsoever of cheating on my wife, but am just loving all the attention I'm getting from this ridiculously, truly ridiculously hot girl, so I think to myself, "What's the harm in hanging out with her a while?" I figure that her friends probably wouldn't let her go anyway, but if they did, it would be a tremendous ego boost if this girl tries to get on me. And did I mention how much of a great time I'm having? These girls aren't just hot – they're a lot of fun too. And this one is the best among them.

Much to my shock, the bachelorette and her friends let the hottest one go with me, saying right in front of me, "Now normally there's no way we'd split up our group, but we can tell you're a really nice guy, so be nice and be sure to have her back soon."

Not a problem, I tell them, but just as we're walking out the door, I hear a "Hey _____ - get back here!" I'll spare you the long and boring details of all the drama, but basically one of the bridesmaids had disappeared, and no one knew where she was. The others weren't going to let us go now, they decided, which I really didn't mind. Safer that way, and I was having a great time there anyway.

After a while, all the girls, but especially the bachelorette, started getting really freaked out about their missing friend, and they really had no idea what to do. Making phone calls and deliberating about it forever, they considered doing things that would only have made matters worse. Eventually I stepped in to take control of the situation, and put together a plan to find the missing girl without splitting up their group. I was pretty concerned about her too, and thought about how many girls were going to be raped that evening in NO. Pretty sobering thought. Luckily, she wasn't one of them, as we found her a few blocks away about a half hour later, and she was fine.

When we found her, the b-ette was pissed – for a while, I thought they were going to come to blows. Eventually she's just like "* this – I'm getting out of here – you coming, Chicago?" (Chicago is me). The hottest one pulls the b-ette aside and tells her about the coke. Totally sober at this point (her friend was missing for hours), her eyes freakin lit up – "OOOOOO – let's go!!" and me, the b-ette, and the hottest head back to their hotel room.

Up to that point, I hadn't really noticed the b-ette much. Her face was kind of goofy, and she had all kinds of stupid costuming on over her clothes. When she took that stuff off, it turned out that she has a 10 body too. Not relatively speaking, not beergoggles, no BS – solid 99th percentile both of them body wise, and the hottest is just freakin gorgeous head to toe, with probably the best legs I've ever seen.

We got back to their hotel room and dug in – these girls can really party! Much to my delight, the b-ette's behavior started to change dramatically. She started flirting with me, touching me, and giving me some of the hardest "* me" eyes I've ever seen. The hottest was following suit, and I was just totally loving it, playing it cool the entire time, because I had no intention of trying anything. After a while, they started playing this weird game, each seemingly trying to get rid of the other under the guise of normality. A lot of "Are you sure you don't just want to go to sleep?" or "chicago, are you hungry – we could go get something to eat – oh ____, you want to go too? I thought you weren't hungry?" – stuff like that – it went on for hours.

Fearing a serious malfunction of my willpower (it's almost 7AM and I'm still really blasted), I suggest that we go swimming back at my hotel. I figure that way is a lot safer than sticking around there, plus I'd get them both essentially naked in wet lacey underwear. That would have been a very nice end to the best night out I've had in ages. After a lot of the same back and forth games, they agree on my idea.

We're riding the elevator down, and the hottest rests herself on my shoulders, starts breathing really lustily on my neck, and asks the b-ette, "____, are you sure you want to go?"

The b-ette then leans over my other side, runs her hand over my chest, and says very sweetly, and sorta moaningly, "Umm-hmmm, definitely." What happened next is really hard to describe, but it resulted in a complete implosion of my willpower, an instant erection, and a U-turn back upstairs. Making an already way too long story very, very short:

Had a threesome. Full sex and oral with both of them, often at the same time. I thought it would be really awkward, but it wasn't. It was freakin beautiful. Took over 4 hours, came three times, and could have gone four. I was more aroused than I've ever been in my entire life - and I was blasted out of my mind. Am I that easy? In a word – no.

Both of them were 21yr old college seniors. Hottest = current SEC cheerleader, and former Miss Teen _______ in her home state. B-ette = 10x better in bed, and a pair of absolutely spectacular, perky, natural D breasts to go along with her perfect tight little body.

100% of this story is true. No BS or fabrication whatsoever. Three morals to it:

1. No matter how much you're tempted, never buy drugs from a – wait, screw it. I'll say it, because I've never rolled by a white guy - never buy drugs from a black guy on the street. I've been rolled each and every time I've tried. It's like 7 times now – you'd think I'd learn my lesson, huh? I'm sure there are plenty of white scammers out there too, but I've never run into one. They've all come through for me. If generalizing based on these experiences makes me a racist than so be it. I don't think it does.

2. Say what you will about fraternity guys, but they pretty much always have the best drugs. Those Mississippi guys had a freakin medicine chest of top quality stuff.

3. Never, ever, ever ever ever underestimate the amazing powers of the magic white powder. Sure, I'm good-looking, and I still have some game in me (I'm 30), but come on – this one was pure luck. It never, ever, ever ever ever would have happened without the white stuff around to help those girls (and me) abandon decent judgment and do crazy stuff we otherwise wouldn't. I feel terrible about it in retrospect, and would definitely go back and change things if I could. But I can't, and if a threesome with two incredibly hot college girls when I'm 30 is my only case of marital infidelity, I can live with that.

My advice to all you single guys out there – if you find a girl who likes to party (and you do too of course), stay engaged in the situation. Stay committed even if things look bleak. Things have a way of working themselves out when coke is in the equation – it buys you a lot of time. Look at me – I never even remotely sniffed anything like this when I was searching for it practically 24x7 and much better looking, I wasn't even trying to score this weekend, and I ended up in a freakin Penthouse Letter from 7-10:30 on a Sunday morning.

I'd provide a pic in a heartbeat but I promised not to reveal anything about them that could reveal their identities to people they know. EOG gets a fair amount of traffic from SEC posters - you never know.
 

WVU

EOG Master
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

my strangest sexual experience was no doubt my encouter with a deaf chick. Here is a cut and paste of what I posted elsewhere:

So, I slept with a deaf chick this weekend
<HR style="COLOR: #fdde82" SIZE=1>No offense to any deaf people here, but this was one weird scene.

I met this girl through a mutual friend and everything went off without a hitch. We met for drinks and dinner then proceeded to go back to her place to watch a movie and sip some wine. We watched some old war movie with closed caption. That went over fine and we even had some interesting conversation the best that we could.

She could speak fairly well, but with that common nasal tone that you often hear from deaf people. She had no hearing at all, but was great at reading lips. I tried my best to enunciate all my syllables correctly. She noticed that I seemed to have experience talking to deaf people and I told her that I was trying hard to impress.

After polishing off a bottle of cabernet, she started to get a little cozy with me. I was ok with that as she had a smoking body that I was eager to see more of. After the light kissing and petting increased to a higher level she took me by the hand and led me to her bedroom. I was still very comfortable with all this and had no idea of the bizarre scene that awaited me.

She proceeded to undress completely and I followed suit. Her eyes did not leave my face as though she was studying my every move. This made me slightly uncomfortable, but I was 100% intent on getting the goods.

She wasted no time going down on me. She was very good at giving head and I laid back to enjoy it. All of a sudden she would stop everything she was doing so that she could get a good look at my face. At first I thought something was wrong, but I figured out she was trying to read my reaction to see if I was enjoying it. This went on for about 15-20 minutes with her getting into it and stopping to get my reaction.

After the 5th or 6th time I decided this was too much of a tease. I pulled her up and proceeded to go down on her. She was very much liking this and began arching her back and then it happened. I thought we had rolled over on her cat as I heard this strange earpiercing sound. Now, I am no amateur and have been able to produce some good sounds from women in the past, but this sound was nothing like I have heard before.

I seriously thought she was hurting or crying or dieing. It was extremely loud and extremely high pitched. She sounded kind of like a dog squeak toy. I was still hell bent on performing for her so I tried to ignore the sounds I was hearing. I even burried my face deeper and clamped her thighs over my ears to try to muffle the sound. It was no use. I imagine her whole condo thought I was murdering her in there. Her shrieks became panting shrieks and I could not take any more of it.

I stopped what I was doing and decided to proceed with intercourse. 5 seconds into it she was back to shrieking and then stopping everything to look at my face and read my reaction. Well let's just say I was barely enjoying myself and was ready to smother this deaf girl. After 15 minutes or so of this I could not take it any longer so I faked an orgasm and ended the session and went home. I feel like I am forever scarred and will not ever be able to enjoy the sounds of a woman in the bedroom.
 

gofur876

EOG Addicted
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

Hines W, "I didn't HAVE TO DO ORAL". JFC how fucking lame are you? Just the kind of guy women love. RIGHT!!! Show me a guy that doesn't eat pussy and I'll steal his wife. Will and have done. And all you "macho types" don't have a clue. "I don't know Ma she just walked out the door"!:LMAO
 

Timetopay

EOG Master
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

I love givin the wife oral but man some of the ladies along the way no fucking way...

So weird ass shit goin on
 
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

LOL, Hines! I have one kind of like that. I think I may even have shared it the last time we did a thread like this.

I was out with me friends one night and decided to call my ex (this would be the same ex I was just talking about) for some drunk sex. I called him and told him ALL of the disgusting things I wanted to do to him, so he met us at a gas station to pick me up. Now, this is the part of the story where I tell you that he had to pick me up out of her car and put me in his in case you're feeling sorry for him later. So, about half way into the ride home I puked all over his car...then he had to pull over about 3 more times. He finally got me into my house, undressed me, put me to bed and he even slept over to make sure I didn't choke on my own vomit...but he got no lovin'. I made a feeble attempt to make up for it after I showered the next morning, but I still had the spins. Oopsie.

Poor guy..........
 
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

Worst: In my previous life as a bartender, I was on the opening crew of Confetti in Metarie with a bunch of other bartenders/waitresses from the Houston Confetti. After working 6 nights straight, a bunch of the bartenders had a night off, so went out to see what kind of trouble we could rassle up in the great state of Louisiana. Understand that we are all Texas boys, who are used to timing the booze flow for a two o'clock last call--which of course does not occurr in the great state of Louisiana. So, it's wild, crazy, whaddevvuh, and it gets to be about five ayem, and one of my buds is with me in the parking lot of some bar somewhere in New Orleans, and we are waiting for a cab to take us back to the rest of the crew. These two chicks roll up, and each are wearing full, floor-length skirts, and they look like the skirts actually have hoops in them, that's how full the rigs were. They hit on us hard, very little small talk, just: "we can give you'all a ride," "wanna come back to our room," the whole drill. We stop at a convenience store for a bottle of Bacardi, and go back to their room. There's two beds, so after a while the scene is on, and the clothes are droppin.' It turns out that both girls are (how do I say this delicately) "big--boned" if you will; which is THE main buzz-kill for me. My buddy is takin' care of bizness, so I soldier on and take one for the team. Now, all this time, my girl has had this unusual accent--which I attributed to being some sort of Cajun, Nawlins' thing. However, as we are slipping out of our skivvies, she reaches up and pops out one of those big hearing aid things, and sets it down on the end table. She is so hard of hearing, that she now has to read my lips. So, to recap, this girl is larger than anything I've ever harpooned; she picked me up out of a drunken stupor in the parking lot of a New Orleans bar; and, she's deaf as a fencepost. Of course, my buddy in the next bed was taking time from his busy activities to inscribe every event and the conversation into his permanent memory banks. As soon as we left their rooms after doing our duty, I started hearing it. Of course, the news went around the opening crew like wildfire. I worked for that nightclub company for about another eight years, and I never, ever, heard the end of my drunken night with the deaf fatty in the great state of Louisiana. . .

Fantastic story.
 
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

Lost me there.:+clueless

Hines W, "I didn't HAVE TO DO ORAL". JFC how fucking lame are you? Just the kind of guy women love. RIGHT!!! Show me a guy that doesn't eat pussy and I'll steal his wife. Will and have done. And all you "macho types" don't have a clue. "I don't know Ma she just walked out the door"!:LMAO

Hahaha. This girl didn't want me going down on her. Don't ask me why, she just doesn't. I would if she wanted to though.

She did try explaining it once though.. She said she doesn't want to do the kissing or oral because she thinks of those as romantic activities while she sees fucking as just fucking. I thought it was a little weird but whatever...I'm not gonna complain.
 
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

Fantastic story.

I was scarred. I now suspect every loose, flowing, billowing outfit worn by chick is concealing a body that only Shamu could love. I now verify that the chick at least weighs less than me before I get too committed. . .
 
Re: Best/Worst Sexual Experience

I was scarred. I now suspect every loose, flowing, billowing outfit worn by chick is concealing a body that only Shamu could love. I now verify that the chick at least weighs less than me before I get too committed. . .

Not a big difference between 280 and 290

Just my opinion though 91023i2ndw;l
 
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