#1. Petition the NCAA to use 14 men on defense. That will bring the point spread down from -51 to -35.
#2. Continue to use 11 men on defense, but seek dispensation from the NCAA to have one of them armed with a high-powered rifle. Ohio State players are fast and athletic. Let's see just how much so.
#3. Take the field at the Horseshoe in Columbus claiming you thought the game was there. When the Buckeyes don't show up, claim a win by forfeit, and head for the Short North district to celebrate the biggest win in school history.
#4. Take the field in Easton, Pennsylvania (to play Lafayette), claiming you have left the Big Ten to join the Patriot League.
#5. Appoint Mr. Magoo (Rutgers Class of '28) as the new head coach. When the Scarlet Knights are down 42-0 early in the second quarter, his bad eyesight will keep him from reading the scoreboard, thus maintaining high spirits on the Rutgers sideline.
#6. Exhume the body of Paul Robeson, clone him 22 times, and see the point spread drop to -21. (Except for Jimmy the Greek who will buy the 1/2 point to -20 1/2.)
#7. Most of all, enjoy the millions and millions of dollars that these idiots in the Big Ten are paying you year after year to be a part of their great conference.
#2. Continue to use 11 men on defense, but seek dispensation from the NCAA to have one of them armed with a high-powered rifle. Ohio State players are fast and athletic. Let's see just how much so.
#3. Take the field at the Horseshoe in Columbus claiming you thought the game was there. When the Buckeyes don't show up, claim a win by forfeit, and head for the Short North district to celebrate the biggest win in school history.
#4. Take the field in Easton, Pennsylvania (to play Lafayette), claiming you have left the Big Ten to join the Patriot League.
#5. Appoint Mr. Magoo (Rutgers Class of '28) as the new head coach. When the Scarlet Knights are down 42-0 early in the second quarter, his bad eyesight will keep him from reading the scoreboard, thus maintaining high spirits on the Rutgers sideline.
#6. Exhume the body of Paul Robeson, clone him 22 times, and see the point spread drop to -21. (Except for Jimmy the Greek who will buy the 1/2 point to -20 1/2.)
#7. Most of all, enjoy the millions and millions of dollars that these idiots in the Big Ten are paying you year after year to be a part of their great conference.
