winkyduck
TYVM Morgan William!!!
***This is a long post. I am not sorry for it. But this is coming from my heart and it took about 2 months to be able to write and get through because doing so brought about a wide range of emotions. I asked JK if he wanted me to post it here. He said he did – so I am. I AM BEGGING ALL HERE: PLEASE LEAVE POLITICS OUT OF THIS! If you want to rip me about my political thoughts there are other threads to do it. PLEASE DO NOT BRING UP ANYTHING ABOUT POLITICS HERE! PUH-LEASE! (JK please delete ANY reply that has anything political to do with it - OK!)***
###I had to do this in 2 posts because I exceeded the Word Count for a post so I had to chop it into 2 posts. Que sera sera###
Valentine’s Day was 2 days ago. For me the one day of the year I will make sure to honor loved ones took place 365 days ago: Feb 16, 2019.
It was on this day that my family did a “Divine Intervention” and in doing so………SAVED ME! After missing another in a long line of events because I was in such tremendous pain my family had enough (I missed my oldest niece graduating from the Police Academy on Jan. 10 because I got no sleep and was in pain but I was able to make it Jan. 30 when she officially got sworn in). This time it was not being able to go to my uncle’s place so we could celebrate the birthdays of his youngest son and the boyfriend of his oldest daughter. My family finally had enough of me screaming in pain every night. They had enough of me walking around like a zombie because it was a good night if I got 3 hours of sleep. Usually it was less. If I was lucky I got an hour but most nights it wasn’t even that much because laying down in bed caused me tremendous pain. Actually I did not sleep in a bed because doing so required lifting my right leg up high enough to get it in bed and I couldn’t do that. I “slept” on a futon from Halloween thru Feb. 16. Doing so allowed me to go to the bathroom at night because I would just crawl to it and then crawl back to the futon for several more hours of laying on the futon wishing I could get any kind of sleep at all. It also made it possible for me to get up and with a crutch, walk around the house for 30 minutes to try and alleviate the pain enough to get some sleep since standing up resulted in the pain going from intolerable to very tolerable and minimal. I thought I had Sciatica issues since I had that a few years earlier but PT and even and Epidural did not help (I got the Epidural on Feb. 6 and felt great. I thought my issues were over. But the next night I went to sleep on my futon in Mom and Dad’s bedroom since they were gone that night and Mom’s beloved dog won’t sleep any place but in their room and by midnight I was in the same amount of pain as I was before getting it – which only frustrated me even more. And the one thing I most recall about the Epidural was the Doc saying how my Sciatica issue was on the left side of my body and the pain was on the right side and it made no sense……….until we found out what that right side pain really was). I was getting both dejected and somewhat desperate to find out WTF was wrong with me.
I remember it like it was yesterday. The family left but I had to stay home since sitting in a car for the 60-ish mile drive was something I could not handle. The night was the same as most nights. I took a pain pill (Norco) at 4P, another at 8P and then some Advil around 9P and then went to the futon. Because I stayed home so did the dog and that also meant I had to feed her and take her for a walk – while holding the leash in one hand and my crutch in the other and then having to bend down low enough to pick up after her. The family came home about 9:30P. I was in a bedroom but screaming in pain as I had too many other nights to count (My father recorded some videos of me screaming – I have no desire to ever hear them since I know what it was like but if anyone does). I heard them come home. I didn’t care. Like every other night I was in excruciating pain and since a heating pad and pain killers did not work I was left to scream and suffer until the pain went away enough to allow me to get an hour, or so, of sleep. Next thing I know my nephew opened the bedroom door, grabbed my blanket and said they were taking me to the Hoag ER. I said I was fine (typical guy speak – even though we rarely are when we say that) and I had an MRI scheduled for Wednesday, Feb. 20. Thankfully they would not budge and insisted I was going. I put on warmer clothes and my father drove me (and my nephew) to the Hoag ER. I quickly put some stuff together in a bag just in case I would be admitted to stay overnight. They got a wheelchair for me because I was too exhausted to walk. I was cold, exhausted and very scared of what they might find but also hoping they would find something. I had been to too-many-doctors-to-count and had been told a million times “I don’t know what it IS but I know what it IS NOT!” I knew I could not continue going on in as much pain as I was. Just getting in the car for the ride to Hoag was hard since I had to lift my right leg to get in. Before this I avoided driving as much as I could because I knew lifting my right leg to apply the brake would be difficult. I also never drove with anyone in the car. If I rode with someone they drove because I was fearful of falling asleep behind the wheel. I would have been OK if I just hurt (or worse) myself but I could not bear the thought of hurting someone else in my car or, even worse, crashing into another car and permanently changing the lives of all inside – not for the better. I didn’t want to drive and run into a car of a family of 4 and kill multiple people and leave the others in some form of a paralysis or the loss of a limb, eye, etc.
Around 1A I got an MRI on my Pelvis and when I left to ER to get it I told Dad/Nephew to go home – and they did. I got wheeled into the machine but had to immediately wheeled out because to get an MRI you have to be still for about 20 minutes. The pain made it impossible to be still for 10 seconds. I got shot up with Morphine and then got the MRI. I got wheeled back into the ER around 2:30A (Honestly I have no idea the exact time) and for the first time in about 2 months I slept more than 3 hours since I was pain-free. What I did not know until a few weeks ago was that the ER people wanted to send me home but my brother said NO! I was tired, scared, hopeful and relived. I was tired because of not getting any sleep for 2+ months. I was scared because I knew something was wrong but didn’t know what and knew past attempts at finding what was went unanswered and this might have been my “last best chance” at someone finally saying “I know what IS wrong with you.” I was hopeful that someone might FINALLY find out what was wrong with me and relived that something of substance was potentially going to happen.
FINALLY being able to get ANY sleep was something I cherished. Around 7A I got wheeled into a room on the 4th Floor looking directly over the same ER entrance I had used about 9 hours earlier. About 24 hours later some doctor came into my room around 8 am and told me I had Malignant Cancer but I could beat it. He wanted to see me on Friday Feb. 22. Needless to say that was a very long 100 hours until I saw him and did so with my Bro, Mom, Dad and Uncle (Retired Surgeon) who flew down for the day just to be with me/us when I saw the Doc (I can’t even begin to put into words how incredibly awesome it was to see my Uncle there and for the entire length of my treatment he was a massive part of it – when I saw the Doc I called my Uncle, put the phone on speaker and he heard everything that took place and contributed when he felt he had something important to add – and he did many times).
But it was on this day one year ago today that my life finally turned around. For the better.
###I had to do this in 2 posts because I exceeded the Word Count for a post so I had to chop it into 2 posts. Que sera sera###
Valentine’s Day was 2 days ago. For me the one day of the year I will make sure to honor loved ones took place 365 days ago: Feb 16, 2019.
It was on this day that my family did a “Divine Intervention” and in doing so………SAVED ME! After missing another in a long line of events because I was in such tremendous pain my family had enough (I missed my oldest niece graduating from the Police Academy on Jan. 10 because I got no sleep and was in pain but I was able to make it Jan. 30 when she officially got sworn in). This time it was not being able to go to my uncle’s place so we could celebrate the birthdays of his youngest son and the boyfriend of his oldest daughter. My family finally had enough of me screaming in pain every night. They had enough of me walking around like a zombie because it was a good night if I got 3 hours of sleep. Usually it was less. If I was lucky I got an hour but most nights it wasn’t even that much because laying down in bed caused me tremendous pain. Actually I did not sleep in a bed because doing so required lifting my right leg up high enough to get it in bed and I couldn’t do that. I “slept” on a futon from Halloween thru Feb. 16. Doing so allowed me to go to the bathroom at night because I would just crawl to it and then crawl back to the futon for several more hours of laying on the futon wishing I could get any kind of sleep at all. It also made it possible for me to get up and with a crutch, walk around the house for 30 minutes to try and alleviate the pain enough to get some sleep since standing up resulted in the pain going from intolerable to very tolerable and minimal. I thought I had Sciatica issues since I had that a few years earlier but PT and even and Epidural did not help (I got the Epidural on Feb. 6 and felt great. I thought my issues were over. But the next night I went to sleep on my futon in Mom and Dad’s bedroom since they were gone that night and Mom’s beloved dog won’t sleep any place but in their room and by midnight I was in the same amount of pain as I was before getting it – which only frustrated me even more. And the one thing I most recall about the Epidural was the Doc saying how my Sciatica issue was on the left side of my body and the pain was on the right side and it made no sense……….until we found out what that right side pain really was). I was getting both dejected and somewhat desperate to find out WTF was wrong with me.
I remember it like it was yesterday. The family left but I had to stay home since sitting in a car for the 60-ish mile drive was something I could not handle. The night was the same as most nights. I took a pain pill (Norco) at 4P, another at 8P and then some Advil around 9P and then went to the futon. Because I stayed home so did the dog and that also meant I had to feed her and take her for a walk – while holding the leash in one hand and my crutch in the other and then having to bend down low enough to pick up after her. The family came home about 9:30P. I was in a bedroom but screaming in pain as I had too many other nights to count (My father recorded some videos of me screaming – I have no desire to ever hear them since I know what it was like but if anyone does). I heard them come home. I didn’t care. Like every other night I was in excruciating pain and since a heating pad and pain killers did not work I was left to scream and suffer until the pain went away enough to allow me to get an hour, or so, of sleep. Next thing I know my nephew opened the bedroom door, grabbed my blanket and said they were taking me to the Hoag ER. I said I was fine (typical guy speak – even though we rarely are when we say that) and I had an MRI scheduled for Wednesday, Feb. 20. Thankfully they would not budge and insisted I was going. I put on warmer clothes and my father drove me (and my nephew) to the Hoag ER. I quickly put some stuff together in a bag just in case I would be admitted to stay overnight. They got a wheelchair for me because I was too exhausted to walk. I was cold, exhausted and very scared of what they might find but also hoping they would find something. I had been to too-many-doctors-to-count and had been told a million times “I don’t know what it IS but I know what it IS NOT!” I knew I could not continue going on in as much pain as I was. Just getting in the car for the ride to Hoag was hard since I had to lift my right leg to get in. Before this I avoided driving as much as I could because I knew lifting my right leg to apply the brake would be difficult. I also never drove with anyone in the car. If I rode with someone they drove because I was fearful of falling asleep behind the wheel. I would have been OK if I just hurt (or worse) myself but I could not bear the thought of hurting someone else in my car or, even worse, crashing into another car and permanently changing the lives of all inside – not for the better. I didn’t want to drive and run into a car of a family of 4 and kill multiple people and leave the others in some form of a paralysis or the loss of a limb, eye, etc.
Around 1A I got an MRI on my Pelvis and when I left to ER to get it I told Dad/Nephew to go home – and they did. I got wheeled into the machine but had to immediately wheeled out because to get an MRI you have to be still for about 20 minutes. The pain made it impossible to be still for 10 seconds. I got shot up with Morphine and then got the MRI. I got wheeled back into the ER around 2:30A (Honestly I have no idea the exact time) and for the first time in about 2 months I slept more than 3 hours since I was pain-free. What I did not know until a few weeks ago was that the ER people wanted to send me home but my brother said NO! I was tired, scared, hopeful and relived. I was tired because of not getting any sleep for 2+ months. I was scared because I knew something was wrong but didn’t know what and knew past attempts at finding what was went unanswered and this might have been my “last best chance” at someone finally saying “I know what IS wrong with you.” I was hopeful that someone might FINALLY find out what was wrong with me and relived that something of substance was potentially going to happen.
FINALLY being able to get ANY sleep was something I cherished. Around 7A I got wheeled into a room on the 4th Floor looking directly over the same ER entrance I had used about 9 hours earlier. About 24 hours later some doctor came into my room around 8 am and told me I had Malignant Cancer but I could beat it. He wanted to see me on Friday Feb. 22. Needless to say that was a very long 100 hours until I saw him and did so with my Bro, Mom, Dad and Uncle (Retired Surgeon) who flew down for the day just to be with me/us when I saw the Doc (I can’t even begin to put into words how incredibly awesome it was to see my Uncle there and for the entire length of my treatment he was a massive part of it – when I saw the Doc I called my Uncle, put the phone on speaker and he heard everything that took place and contributed when he felt he had something important to add – and he did many times).
But it was on this day one year ago today that my life finally turned around. For the better.