REPLIES 100K: mISSiON iMPoSSiBLE tHREAd

Re: REPLIES 100K: mISSiON iMPoSSiBLE tHREAd

Norm Mcdonald and Artie Lange were telling Bob Uecker stories on Stern last week, they said he is the funniest guy on the planet off the air..... They sat in the broadcast booth when he was calling a spring training game..... apparently he has a "cough button" which cuts out the broadcast while you supposedly cough so its not on the air....

Bob would say something like "ball one, on a low and outside pitch" then hit the cough button and say "look at the tits on that whore" and then let off the button and say Next pitch, Strike one, right down the middle.... They said he was seamless at this.....
 
Re: REPLIES 100K: mISSiON iMPoSSiBLE tHREAd

Wow, this is kindof like a psychologist thread. Lots of weird ass people around here, but if the SHRINK is not around how do we get help. Anyhow, why to they call mustard mustard?
 
Re: REPLIES 100K: mISSiON iMPoSSiBLE tHREAd

what's the difference between a woman and a refrigerator?

a refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out!
 
Re: REPLIES 100K: mISSiON iMPoSSiBLE tHREAd

I have bugles on every fingertip as we speak...except i just ate the one off of my right pointer finger so it was easier to click the mouse.
 
Re: REPLIES 100K: mISSiON iMPoSSiBLE tHREAd

Ron Jeremy recently lost his job working at a beauty salon.
Apparently a young lady had come in and asked for a facial.
 
Re: REPLIES 100K: mISSiON iMPoSSiBLE tHREAd

Dear Abby,

I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, just some friends from work, you don't know them. I try to stay awake and look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep.

Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her.

Around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with 'the girls'. When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.

It was at that moment, crouching behind my golf clubs, that I noticed a hairline crack where the grip meets the graphite shaft on my 3-wood.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro-shop where I bought it?
 
Re: REPLIES 100K: mISSiON iMPoSSiBLE tHREAd

Dear Abby,

I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, just some friends from work, you don't know them. I try to stay awake and look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep.

Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her.

Around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with 'the girls'. When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.

It was at that moment, crouching behind my golf clubs, that I noticed a hairline crack where the grip meets the graphite shaft on my 3-wood.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro-shop where I bought it?
Dear Abby,

I am writing to your advice-column because of a serious problem I am facing. I am a Vietnam-era deserter from the U.S. Marines, and I have a cousin who works for Microsoft. My mother peddles Nazi literature to Girl Scouts and my father (a former dentist) is in jail for 30 years for raping most of his patients while they were under anesthesia. The sole supporters of our large family, including myself and my $500-a-week heroin habit, are my uncle (master pickpocket Benny "The Fingers") and my aunt and kid sisters, who are well-known streetwalkers.

My problem is this: I have just gotten engaged to the most beautiful, sweetest girl in the world. She is just sweet sixteen, and we are going to marry as soon as she can escape from reform school. To support ourselves, we are going to move to Mexico and start a fake Aztec souvenir factory staffed by child labor. We look forward to bringing our kids into the family business. But, I am worried that my family will not make a good impression on hers, once she has had a chance to meet them.

In your opinion Abby: Should I or shouldn't I let her know about my cousin who works for Microsoft?
 
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